I've been thinking a lot about violence and war lately. For various reasons the past year has made it all the more real to me.
Firstly, my elder sister is a member of the Royal Australian Navy. She'll kill me if I say too many details here, but when she joined it was a rather unexpected descision, at least from my point of view. She did incredibly well in her HSC, had a pick of any courses she wanted to do. And she picked the Navy. She's lived away from home for the past year, and is about to go away again. We used to be really close, but something changes when one of the people you were closest to in the world admits they would be prepared to shoot to kill someone. That's putting it really really simplistically of course, but it's one of the things I think about.
One of the most poignant experiences of last year for me was going to the ANZAC day dawn service in Martin place. Now, I'm not patriotic in the least. I don't agree with the concept of going to war, and think the UN is the greatest idea we've ever had (admittedly it's flawed, but we can change that). However, I went to the dawn service. I'd been before, but something occured last year. I realised that my descendants, or even I, could be standing there mourning their aunt, great aunt or big sister. Which brought it home.
Then comes the Iraq war. I think for someone my age it's one of the defining moments of our adolescence, much like September the 11th. It's the war I grew up with, and one I fiercely oppose. I have studied the causes, and why the US needed to go in. I agree that an intervention needed to occur. What I object to is the large scale of the war, and the simple lack of planning. It should not take 4-5 years to dispose a dictator. I don't know what the solution is, and we surely need to find one, but I do know that (with hindsight) it was probably the worst way to go into Iraq. It also further hits home when you realise that your sister could be fighting in it, depending on what the current federal government does.
There's a lot more to elaborate on this subject, and I will soon.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Black tiger cubs
Having become seriosly embarrassed at the thought of people from work reading this blog, I thought I'd better write about something less teenagerish.
Lately in the blogosphere there has been a trend of talking about depression. And it's something I greatly support. You could call it a passion of mine.
I've suffered from clinical depression from between 5 and 10 years, depending on which specialist you listen to. My psychiartist also thinks I have a range of abnormal disorders, most of which I laugh about. To anyone who knows me, I'm not completely normal, but I don't think anyone is.
Everyone's experience of depression is different, and mine has been convoluted by the years in which I experienced it. For a long time I completely ignored it - I was just growing up. It hasn't been until the past two years that it clicked that most teenagers don't attempt suicide.
I hide it a lot. Mainly because I don't think I deserve any attention because of it. It's not what controls my personality, and I have suffered far less than some people. Which creates an interesting conundrum when I talk about it. I got really sick over the past year (year 12, my last year of high school), which made it extra hard. I applied for special consideration, but I'm still not sure if I deserve it. I think I slacked off during year 12, and I don't feel reasonable blaming an illness for my less than expected marks.
However, it has given me a really good impetus for the rest of my life. I want to help cure depression. I hate what I've been through, and so plan to study psychology so no one else has to go through it. I understand that nothing like that is simple, but I believe greater awareness could help a lot. Pierre the yarn snob started a mission relating to knitting and depression (really bad description, sorry!!), and I think it's important to share that message. One of the things I've learnt through talking to friends going through a hard time is that sometimes you just need to understand that someone else has gone/is going through it.
For the interested - my favourite website on the topic is reachout
and I'm also going to check out headspace over the next few days.
So that was my black tiger cubs. I've always been a feline person, and laying in bed thinking last night about the post - I think that black tiger cubs fit me better (as opposed to dogs or puppies)
:) thanks for reading
Lately in the blogosphere there has been a trend of talking about depression. And it's something I greatly support. You could call it a passion of mine.
I've suffered from clinical depression from between 5 and 10 years, depending on which specialist you listen to. My psychiartist also thinks I have a range of abnormal disorders, most of which I laugh about. To anyone who knows me, I'm not completely normal, but I don't think anyone is.
Everyone's experience of depression is different, and mine has been convoluted by the years in which I experienced it. For a long time I completely ignored it - I was just growing up. It hasn't been until the past two years that it clicked that most teenagers don't attempt suicide.
I hide it a lot. Mainly because I don't think I deserve any attention because of it. It's not what controls my personality, and I have suffered far less than some people. Which creates an interesting conundrum when I talk about it. I got really sick over the past year (year 12, my last year of high school), which made it extra hard. I applied for special consideration, but I'm still not sure if I deserve it. I think I slacked off during year 12, and I don't feel reasonable blaming an illness for my less than expected marks.
However, it has given me a really good impetus for the rest of my life. I want to help cure depression. I hate what I've been through, and so plan to study psychology so no one else has to go through it. I understand that nothing like that is simple, but I believe greater awareness could help a lot. Pierre the yarn snob started a mission relating to knitting and depression (really bad description, sorry!!), and I think it's important to share that message. One of the things I've learnt through talking to friends going through a hard time is that sometimes you just need to understand that someone else has gone/is going through it.
For the interested - my favourite website on the topic is reachout
and I'm also going to check out headspace over the next few days.
So that was my black tiger cubs. I've always been a feline person, and laying in bed thinking last night about the post - I think that black tiger cubs fit me better (as opposed to dogs or puppies)
:) thanks for reading
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Saying goodbye
I had/have a lot of good ideas for posts, which will be put up soon. But I have to admit that today I don't have a lot of heart in me.
Today/yesterday is about saying goodbye. No one is dying/had died, but a large part of my heart happens to be skipping away across the atlantic at about 12:30pm today. Which I hate. Because it's not fair, but it's part of the contract I signed in my head. If you love someone, you have no choice but to let their dreams come true. It's part of the deal, the contract you signed. And while you can rage, and shout and get really really angry, it doesn't work.
I don't actually rage or shout, I just cry. A lot. And I wonder how I'm going to do it. That's until about a day in when I remember that for the majority of the past two years, it's been the status quo. It's not as if I'm not used to having my heart flit away like that. It's what happens.
So for the next 5 months I get to spend every day thinking about him, wondering what he's doing and how he is. Wondering how stressed he is, and if there was anything I can do to help. All while I'm 7000km away from him.
On the bright side, it's only 5 months. We've done longer. And then he's back!! For a whole month!! And then we go travelling.
More immediately, over the next few days I shall:
Begin work full time
Get serious about building a schedule of things to entertain myself with for the next year
Get serious about getting fit.
He has 5 hours left in Australia. And I'm trying to make every minute last an eternity
Today/yesterday is about saying goodbye. No one is dying/had died, but a large part of my heart happens to be skipping away across the atlantic at about 12:30pm today. Which I hate. Because it's not fair, but it's part of the contract I signed in my head. If you love someone, you have no choice but to let their dreams come true. It's part of the deal, the contract you signed. And while you can rage, and shout and get really really angry, it doesn't work.
I don't actually rage or shout, I just cry. A lot. And I wonder how I'm going to do it. That's until about a day in when I remember that for the majority of the past two years, it's been the status quo. It's not as if I'm not used to having my heart flit away like that. It's what happens.
So for the next 5 months I get to spend every day thinking about him, wondering what he's doing and how he is. Wondering how stressed he is, and if there was anything I can do to help. All while I'm 7000km away from him.
On the bright side, it's only 5 months. We've done longer. And then he's back!! For a whole month!! And then we go travelling.
More immediately, over the next few days I shall:
Begin work full time
Get serious about building a schedule of things to entertain myself with for the next year
Get serious about getting fit.
He has 5 hours left in Australia. And I'm trying to make every minute last an eternity
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Haven't updated for past two days. Trying to get into habit of updating.
Main events of past two days:
Saw Alicat :)!!!
Said goodbye to grandparents yesterday, which was sad but I'll try and get over to Perth at some point during this year, so will hopefully see them again
Met up with old family friends which was lovely
Met one of Alicat's friends from school, Jean. Had tea in the tea centre which was very fun, and enjoyed myself immensley
Had a great dinner with friends at Cinque in Newtown last night, was great to see everyone and catch up. Had interesting conversations, and a wonderful meal :)
Currently reading: Going Dutch in Beijing by Mark McCrum. I got it for my bday from Dad, and I've nearly finished it. It's a really readable set of conventions of cultures all over the world. Funny at times, though the generalisations he tends to make do annoy me. A good summer read which makes me more interested in the subjects he's talking about, however I would like to go into more depth with the cultures, which I will hopefully do soon.
Heading up to Ali's place today, which makes me sad as it's the last time I'll see him for 5 months. An inevitable consequence, and one I know I can live with, but I just don't like living with it!!Aah, at least it's the last time. We must be happy for the small bonuses we can get.
Will update more soon
Bec
Main events of past two days:
Saw Alicat :)!!!
Said goodbye to grandparents yesterday, which was sad but I'll try and get over to Perth at some point during this year, so will hopefully see them again
Met up with old family friends which was lovely
Met one of Alicat's friends from school, Jean. Had tea in the tea centre which was very fun, and enjoyed myself immensley
Had a great dinner with friends at Cinque in Newtown last night, was great to see everyone and catch up. Had interesting conversations, and a wonderful meal :)
Currently reading: Going Dutch in Beijing by Mark McCrum. I got it for my bday from Dad, and I've nearly finished it. It's a really readable set of conventions of cultures all over the world. Funny at times, though the generalisations he tends to make do annoy me. A good summer read which makes me more interested in the subjects he's talking about, however I would like to go into more depth with the cultures, which I will hopefully do soon.
Heading up to Ali's place today, which makes me sad as it's the last time I'll see him for 5 months. An inevitable consequence, and one I know I can live with, but I just don't like living with it!!Aah, at least it's the last time. We must be happy for the small bonuses we can get.
Will update more soon
Bec
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Ergh, first post
One of the new years resolution was to start a blog.
So I'm starting it
It's the 2nd day of 2008. Which has started off really well. I rang in the new year with alcohol, my sister, her boyfriend and Alicat. Who will become a regular feature of this blog! I then slept till 7am, and had a really lazy new years day. Alicat and I went on a ghost tour of the rocks last night, which was awfully fun (and not as spooky as you may suspect).
Today invovled making babydeathpod (a birthday present) work and seeing Enchanted with Mila (my 8 year old sister). It was suprisingly good, I do have to admit to loving Patrick Dempsey with a passion, but the storyline was interesting and quirky. Would have been a good supplementary text for pomoism (eng ext 1 last year), lots of self referencing. For anyone who has seen it, the scene of people dancing in central park was my favourite, and I think I might treat myself to the soundtrack (if there is one).
Next few days are a few goodbyes- Grandparents leave Sydney tommorrow, and Alicat goes back to HK on Sunday - which will involve many many tears, but I don't exactly have an option. It's the last time, so it won't be too bad. And I do have a lot of things to look foward to this year.
Will try and make this more commentary on the world in general from now on, just wanted to set it up
Bec
So I'm starting it
It's the 2nd day of 2008. Which has started off really well. I rang in the new year with alcohol, my sister, her boyfriend and Alicat. Who will become a regular feature of this blog! I then slept till 7am, and had a really lazy new years day. Alicat and I went on a ghost tour of the rocks last night, which was awfully fun (and not as spooky as you may suspect).
Today invovled making babydeathpod (a birthday present) work and seeing Enchanted with Mila (my 8 year old sister). It was suprisingly good, I do have to admit to loving Patrick Dempsey with a passion, but the storyline was interesting and quirky. Would have been a good supplementary text for pomoism (eng ext 1 last year), lots of self referencing. For anyone who has seen it, the scene of people dancing in central park was my favourite, and I think I might treat myself to the soundtrack (if there is one).
Next few days are a few goodbyes- Grandparents leave Sydney tommorrow, and Alicat goes back to HK on Sunday - which will involve many many tears, but I don't exactly have an option. It's the last time, so it won't be too bad. And I do have a lot of things to look foward to this year.
Will try and make this more commentary on the world in general from now on, just wanted to set it up
Bec
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